Hitting the Refresh Button: End of Chemo Cycle 17
Second to the last round of Chemo in the bag. Still feeling lethargic and fatigued but who cares? Only one more round left. It has been a long journey but in many ways worth it. Have I changed from it? It would seem obvious to answer, yes, but I’m not really sure how to answer that question…I believe that I’m just more confident in the things I’ve always known about myself, faith, and the world around me. Does that mean I’ve changed? I like to think of it more that I’ve hit the refresh button on life.
Like many of you I was paying close attention to the Boston Marathon bombings this past week. It was an interesting experiment to try to track it all in real time. Amy and I came home from a concert last Thursday and were wired (because the show was so much fun…and we felt like we were totally hip and cool again) so we turned on the TV to “wind down” and it just so happened to be when the mayhem was starting (in tracking the suspects down). Three hours laters we finally went to bed. I had the TV and my computer on and phone in my hand and was tracking everything. People near the action were Tweeting, Instagramming, and Facebooking. I would hit refresh on all three social networks just to get a sense of what was happening. It was interesting to watch the old information disappear and the new information appear. What I found was even though there was a lot of misinformation, I would hone in on certain bits of info that would become more and more solidified every time I hit the refresh button. I feel that that is a good analogy as to where I’m at right now.
As Brain Cancer Awareness month (and my last round of Chemo) approaches, I am keenly aware that things for Amy and I are changing quickly but the truth we hold dear is becoming more solidified. I knew it would take a miracle to get to where I’m at today but that miracle continues to become more fully realized as each day comes and goes. Holding on to a miracle requires an enormous amount of faith and trust and that’s not easy. The challenge (and the hope) is to continue to sink into that truth with confidence knowing that I’m going to have days where I hit refresh and it says “Error 404: Page not found” but in spite of that there will always be another opportunity to hit the refresh button with the reminder that there are still good things to come which reminds me, my next MRI is on May 1. Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.