How to Slow Down Time
I’ve taken a break from blogging but I want to say thanks to those who have been checking in. Since getting the news about the “spot of concern”, time has slowed down for me. The same was true with the first six months of treatment. Even with the anticipation of wanting to know if there is actually a spot that I need to be concerned about, I’m very grateful for this period of “slow motion” (I mean who wouldn’t want to slow down time?). I’ve been pondering as to why this seems to be the case and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because of two reasons. Reason 1: immediately following the diagnosis and learning about the spot of concern, I chose to become more mindful of myself and others and so I think I’ve become much more aware of what I’m feeling on a moment to moment basis. Reason 2: when experiencing new things, I find that time slows down simply by accepting the uncertainty of what is to come.
In the movie “Inception” there is a whole plot device involving the passage of time in relationship to how deep asleep an individual is (they call it “levels of dreams” in the film). I heard an interview with the writer/director Christopher Nolan and he mentioned what inspired him to do it, he said, “Sometimes when I dream it feels like it’s lasting a lifetime but most of the time I fall asleep and the next thing I know, I’m awake. When we’re dreaming, our brain doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality and so it became something interesting to explore not only as a plot device but also as an individual interested in exploring my own perception of real life.” The other thing that I thought was cool about the film is that Nolan used the stylistic device of “slow motion” as an actual plot device, meaning that it actually had substance and purpose instead of just style. This is best executed when the van falls off the bridge.
All I’ve been able to discover (in my own life) is that when I remember dreams I know it’s because I’m paying attention. When I don’t remember dreams I know it’s because I just want to wake up. When time speeds up for me it seems to be when I’m living in the future. Time just flies, whether it’s waiting for Christmas to come; trying to finish a chore or project; working towards a goal; being away from Amy and missing her; or like after I went through a couple months of Chemo and knew what to expect. Those aren’t all necessarily bad things to want to see go by quickly, but I’m learning that when you contrast it with I’ve been experiencing these past couple weeks, I much prefer the moment to moment life because there is so much to experience, enjoy, and soak up when you slow down time. I encourage you to try it.