Promise of Relief
Well it wasn’t good news but it wasn’t necessarily bad news today. My oncology team noticed a “spot of concern” on my latest MRI. My main oncologist wasn’t there to look at it so once he sees it we’ll have total confirmation regarding that “spot”. I did have my surgeon look at it and he was concerned as well but didn’t want to jump to conclusions until he sees the next one which will be 4 weeks from now. What this means is that it’s possible that the tumor may be growing back which is actually quite common. This is obviously not what I wanted to hear only a year out of surgery and still in the midst of treatment. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself here and so I’ll just now ask for prayers that whatever we have here be gone or not of “concern” at the next MRI.
It’s interesting because I haven’t been feeling my best lately and found myself being more nervous than usual leading up to today’s MRI. I’m trying to spin today’s information into a way that makes me stay hopeful and in the end I realized that the anxiety I’m feeling stems from always hoping and longing for the “promise of relief”. Meaning, if I can just get that confirmation that everything is going to be alright, then I can keep going forward with the same attitude. The reality is that way of thinking isn’t fair to myself or Amy. Relief will never come in the way we want it to. In other words I won’t ever have Dennis Eckersley warming up in the bullpen to relieve us of that anxiety. The uncertainty will always be there and that’s why hope and faith are one in the same. My story this past year has been built on that foundation and we’ve seen some amazing things happen, so I believe that this is one more piece to help raise the stakes to make this story even more amazing. I need some intercessors though and so I ask you to pray everyday until September 12 so that we can get some good news that will at least give us the feeling of “relief”.