It’s Not All “Double Rainbows”
Last year there was a popular viral video that I think most of us have probably seen by now called “Double Rainbow”. The video was filmed by Paul “Bear” Vasquez outside his home in Yosemite and it chronicles his “overwhelming” reaction to seeing a “full double rainbow”. His sincere and intense reaction to seeing the natural beauty of this phenomena caught people by surprise and made “Bear” an overnight celebrity. After some medical doctors watched the video, they determined that “Bear” was having a “Stendhal Syndrome”-like reaction which can actually be quite harmful. Stendhal Syndrome is a series of psychosomatic symptoms (rapid heartbeat, dizziness, and sometimes even fainting, and confusion) to seeing something of immense beauty (whether it’s art, or something, like in Bear’s case, in the natural world) Those symptoms are similar to what I feel during seizures and panic attacks. Having said that, the sincerity in which Bear reacts is still inspiring and has challenged me to see the world with the same type of awe and amazement.
Here is the vid…
Then of course it got “Auto-tuned”…(sooooooo…2010)
Amy and I have had a week of “Double Rainbows” and many “Double Rainbow” moments through out these past seven months. This whole week we’ve been in awe with what life has given us: we had good news about my MRI, my film screened well at a festival, we’ve been getting encouraging news from doctors, and we’re even getting a new car soon, which has been a wish of ours for a long time. We have felt loved, and provided for, and taken care of in ways that we could never imagine.
Every once in a while though we are faced with the realities of what all that means in a practical sense. I have always felt a strong desire to be a provider and after I met Amy, I had a face and partner to attach that desire to. I’ve also dreamed, since I was 9 years old, about making movies for a living and since marrying Amy, I have always been willing to do whatever it takes to do both. For awhile, I was able to work towards a career as a filmmaker and also provide a home (although not ideal) as well as spend a lot of quality time with Amy, but when the seizure came and we discovered what we were dealing with, it became clear that it would probably be awhile before I could return to doing all that again and that Amy would have to step up into the provider role (that has probably been the single hardest thing for me thus far). That was certainly the first hurdle that we had to get over as a couple. We both committed to taking it one day at a time, but no matter what, we still find ourselves thinking too far ahead and relying too much on our own laurels which in turn cause us unneeded anxiety and frustrations. It’s very hard to plan anything with where I’m at right now and when that affects two people it just makes it that much harder.
The other reality is that we’ve had to lean on others in this time to help support us and keep us afloat and that has been extremely humbling for us as well, it’s especially hard on our pride (of course). We are grateful for those that have stepped up and supported us in that way and have helped us find resources that have been able to do the same. We are obviously extremely grateful for the people (our moms, and grandparents, and friends) that have helped keep an eye on me and given me rides to appointments etc. The way in which people have stepped up, has filled our hearts with gratitude and allowed us to see “Double Rainbows” on pretty much a daily basis, but even in the midst of that, we still have days like today where Amy and I feel alone and are dealing with the realities of having no idea what tomorrow will bring and the stubbornness that comes from our own individual needs in the midst of that.
I guess the purpose of writing this post is that we want to make it clear to everyone that even though we keep things pretty positive on the blog, and no matter how hard we try, it’s not all “Double Rainbows” for us. There are days that are really really tough, especially in the communication department. I’m sure I’m pointing out the obvious to you, but we felt that it would be important to be transparent with you about the days that aren’t so “pie in the sky” and hope that our authenticity in this moment would also be an encouragement to you. We promise to continue to look forward to more days filled with “Double Rainbows” (God’s Promises) in the future and we promise that we won’t auto-tune any of it.
Thanks for being there,